This simple and practical hand warmer (Empire Made) must date from the 1950’s. On the box we read ‘NO MORE COLD HANDS’. We sincerely believe this to be a lie. Read the following large print carefully. This item is potentially lethal… use it and we can almost guarantee that you will have cold hands - for ever. Yes! FOR EVER. This object claims to be ‘ideal for winter and autumn sports meetings, transport workers, fishermen, golfers’ however an essential word is missing… it should read ‘ideal for killing at winter sports meetings etc etc’
Why are we making these extravagant claims? Well let’s take a peek at the contents of the box and the instructions. The box contains a metal object within a cloth bag and an instruction card.
A little sticker on the instructions: REMOVE CELLOPHANE before lighting Burner gives the first hint…
Now read on:
To Fill Remover cover and inside burner and slowly pour lighter fuel onto the cotton wool…….shake out all liquid petrol not absorbed……. Replace burner
To Light: Apply match or lighter to asbestos Burner…..then replace cover….
So if you have not incinerated yourself, you will almost certainly have given yourself a nasty case of Mesothelioma – a particularly nasty and totally incurable cancer caused by the inhalation of asbestos fibres – or we should say fibre – one is enough to kill you.
This item is not for sale. However if you are a museum curator with a collection of 1950s stuff, we will give it to you provided that you pay for the postage and on the understanding that we will not be held responsible for what it does to anyone.
WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT THIS ITEM IS USED ONLY FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES, IDEALLY IN A SEALED GLASS CASE. CONTRARY TO INSTRUCTIONS IT SHOULD NOT BE USED AT SPORTS MEETINGS, OR BY TRANSPORT WORKERS, FISHERMEN OR GOLFERS. KEEP WELL AWAY FROM CHILDREN. WE URGE THAT IT IS KEPT IN ITS BOX PERMANENTLY