Ashwell's Patent Toilet Lock

£2,000.00

This choice item is not for sale but we thought you would like to look at it anyway. It belongs to a descendant of the inventor who cannot be persuaded to part with it. Indeed it is kept on a special shelf and several times a day said descendant picks it up and fondles it lovingly.

Apparently Mr Ashwell was on a train between Herne Hill and London in 1883 when inspiration struck. What the world needed was a bolt that runs a cog wheel that turns a disc that indicates whether a toilet is occupied or not, thus avoiding the ‘trying the locked door’ scenario – embarrassing for all - we are sure you will agree.

We can imagine that the indomitable Mr Ashwell on arrival at Waterloo (surely?) raced hot foot to the Patent office to file his claim.

Curiously he chose the words ‘vacant’ and ‘engaged’ … we have always puzzled over the juxtaposition of these words in this context as they are not opposites. Vacant we suppose is okay but ‘engaged?’ Engaged in what? Best not to ask!

So attached is the aforementioned descendant to this object we are convinced that they will be buried together, toilet lock firmly grasped to the lifeless, hairless (we have no proof of this but suspect it to be true) bosom. And what will future archaeologists make of it? They will of course declare this to be evidence of some obscure religious cult – well, that’s what they say about everything isn’t it?


Update!  We have had the following letter from a member of the public

Dear Cybergrot.com,
I would like to know if you can share your source regarding the information
published at: http://www.cybergrot.com/newcart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=14&products_id=118
... with me?
Appreciate a prompt replay!
Kind regards/ Ricardo

Dear Ricardo,

As you may have gathered, a certain amount of what is written on Cybergrot.com is done so for comic effect rather than representing  the absolute truth.  We hope that our visitors are able to tell the difference.  It is true that the Ashwell Toilet Lock design was patented and you would be able to get the details of the patent from the Patent Office.

 Below is the text for the Ashwell Patent Toilet Lock from our website with notes in red to tell you what is true and what is invention. I hope this is what you need.

 This choice item is not for sale but we thought you would like to look at it anyway. (True)  It belongs to a descendant of the inventor who cannot be persuaded to part with it. (True)    Indeed it is kept on a special shelf (True) and several times a day said descendant picks it up and fondles it lovingly.(not entirely true)

Apparently Mr Ashwell was on a train between Herne Hill (some debate about the actual station -we were tempted to put Crouch End but the owner thinks not) and London in 1883 when inspiration struck. (True) What the world needed was a bolt that runs a cog wheel that turns a disc that indicates whether a toilet is occupied or not, thus avoiding the ‘trying the locked door’ scenario – embarrassing for all - we are sure you will agree. (More or less true)

We can imagine that the indomitable Mr Ashwell on arrival at Waterloo (surely?) raced hot foot to the Patent office to file his claim.(pure invention) Curiously he chose the words ‘vacant’ and ‘engaged’ … we have always puzzled over the juxtaposition of these words in this context as they are not opposites. Vacant we suppose is okay but ‘engaged?’ Engaged in what? Best not to ask! (speculation)

So attached is the aforementioned descendant to this object we are convinced that they will be buried together, toilet lock firmly grasped to the lifeless, hairless (we have no proof of this but suspect it to be true) bosom.  (Actually probably not true)

 

And what will future archaeologists make of it?  They will of course declare this to be evidence of some obscure religious cult – well, that’s what they say about everything isn’t it? (undoubtedly true) 


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