Q. I have spotted something I really, really want but the price is too high. Will you take an offer? 

A. We are certainly happy to discuss an offer.  You will find further information about this if you visit the Price Negotiator in the Manager's Office. Our negotiator is renowned for his whimsical decisions and absentmindedness.

Q. My house is full of grot. Will you sell it for me?

A. Not at the moment. We hope to do so in the future and it will depend on the nature of the grot. 

Q. Why is your shop so untidy?

A. Yes.

Q. I said 'Why is your shop so untidy?'

A. It would be less untidy if you bought something!

Q. I visit your shop regularly but the toilet is always out of order. Why?

A. Technical problems.  But we do do a nice line in chamberpots.

Q. I tried your trifle recipe and it was revolting. Why?

A. That's trifle for you.  Next time leave out the prunes and rhubarb.

Q. I am rather keen on small fish. Have you got any in your shop?

A. You obviously have not tried our SEARCH facility - type in 'fish' - it is very (perhaps too) ef-fish-ient.

Q. Why are we here?

A. Are we?  We make no claims to be here.

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